what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
