I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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