it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
