ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just had sex bonerless
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
