we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
