dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
