Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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