Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sext me about skeletons
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
