I am in a vortex of obligation.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's like heaven, but drunker
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
