i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
