Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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