I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
