i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
