wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
