I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
