I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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