Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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