Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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