If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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