i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
