I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
