3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
