after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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