Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
