friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
