Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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