So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
