I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize