dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
