i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
