he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My pussy is not your playground.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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