so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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