im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
