I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
