I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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