Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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