DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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