So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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