the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
