i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
