I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
