why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
