Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
