Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
