cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
