im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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