My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
