names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
