I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
