So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't deserve a penis
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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