the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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