im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In other news, I just burned my penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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