I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
