I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my liver is dry heaving
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize