wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
