in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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