That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
