He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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