Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
