I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Terrible idea I love it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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