oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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