I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
