I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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