i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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