just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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