did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
