Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
