I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
