Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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