so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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